Several years ago a strange thing started happening in my life. At first I didn’t even really notice.
It just happened to be in the men who came into my life.
A guy had just broken my heart and I was sitting across from a dear friend crying over my lost love.
Larry listened patiently to all my woes, handing me tissues at regular intervals and letting me vent.
I was totally burned out with the life I’d been living. A bonafide workaholic, my values were all materialistic. I lived in a huge home and had surrounded myself with all the creature comforts. It sounds good on paper, but I was really unhappy with every aspect. The man was just the icing on my cake of discontent.
After I’d calmed down, Larry got my attention and asked me, in all sincerity, “Dina, what do you really want?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, I told him that I wanted to move to a commune and grow vegetables. I could see myself standing in a beautiful field of green in a gauzy dress and large brimmed hat, my apron holding today’s bounty. I wanted a more spiritual life, one that had meaning.
At the end of my description he said, “ You probably wouldn’t want to leave your ivory tower.” (That’s what he called my house.)
I assured him that I would gladly leave it for happiness.
Then he countered with, “You wouldn’t want kids.”
And I convinced him that I was finally ready to have kids. I could do that.
After letting me get my whole idea out, we ended our conversation and life went on.
Within a few days, I met a widower with 6 young children who lived way out in the boonies. He was 100% back to nature; wood heat, no air conditioning, composting, gardening, home schooling. You get the picture.
Basically everything I had asked for. But, at the time, I didn’t tie it all together.
He ended up being too difficult for me. His religious views and dominating ways were over the top. (But then I had asked for something kind of ‘over the top, hadn’t I?
So, the next thing I decided I wanted was someone educated and logical who didn’t believe in God at all. And, if he did, I never wanted him to talk to me about it.
Low and behold, along came the perfect match to my latest asking.
That was also a disaster. If there is anything that is important to me, it is my spiritual life. For me to say that I never wanted to talk about it was strictly the pain of the moment .
I still had not made the connection between my thoughts and my results.
God, needed to finally get me to see what was going on……
A few weeks later I attended a lecture where the speaker talked about manifesting the things you want in your life.
I had a eureka moment. I had unconsciously been asking everything that was happening to me.
I argued that manifesting was not all it was cracked up to be. And, while he was teaching people to do it, everything in me was saying “no.”
At some point I asked him why, considering how much trouble it could cause, was it something to experience.
His answer shook me. “Only thru the experience will you see how very powerful you are.”
As it turns out, our asking, is a form of prayer. I did not know that I had been praying.
My outcome was disturbing, but the results sure did teach me to monitor my thoughts.
Now that I know that my thoughts/prayers are so powerful, I finish all my asking with “If it be Thy will.”
More than anything, I want my life to be what is in the highest good for all concerned.
The faith of a mustard seed can move mountains. I only want to move the ‘mountains’ that God would have me move.
And men? My prayer for a good man?
Lord, only if it be thy will. And you choose.